Well, I had a crazy weekend.  I had to get some teeth work done, so I was out of it for all of Friday and Saturday.  Sunday I felt much better and didn't need any pain meds...so, I went Christmas shopping.  I hate Christmas shopping.  Only because of all the people.  It makes me nervous.  But, I dealt and I'm all good now.

I guess my moods are evening out a little.  I haven't cried since Friday.  I had a super duper panic attack yesterday.  It was really bad.  I almost cried then, but I was at work and I didn't want to open that can of worms.  So, today I'm feeling crumby.

I wonder if this disease will make you act somewhat irresponsible.  Because that is what I did this morning.  I was very irresponsible.  And now, I have my self in a situation that I don't know how to get myself out of.  And it sucks.  And I have so many appointments with this doctor and that doctor that I don't want to get in trouble for missing work.  I've only missed 2 1/2 days since I started (because of actual sickness) and one of those times was because my boss made me leave and when I went to the doctor they told me I couldn't go back for the rest of that day or the next.  But, I still don't want to get in trouble.  But, like I said, what I did today was really irresponsible.  It's a long story and, frankly, I don't feel like typing it all out. 

Long story short, I slept through a Dr.'s appt. that was really important (I have to get a shot every 3 months and I only have a 2 week window to get it).  I thought I would be able to just go in and do it on Friday (our office is closed).  So, I slept in a little and came to work.  Well, my bosses think I actually went to the Dr.  So, I can't say...Oh, by the way, I didn't really get my shot this morning so I'm going to be late again one day next week so that I can go get it for real.  You know?  So, now I don't know what I'm going to do.  I have to go there and get my annual on the 10th, but that's two weeks late.  I think they will still give it to me, but they will give me some big, huge lecture about not being late and all.  Which always sucks!  But, whatever.  It's my own fault.  I did this.  It was my irresponsibility. 

Another thing...my sleep pattern has been so messed up!  It's really all I do anymore.  It's getting a little bit on the ridiculous side.  I mean, I come home from work, go to sleep, and then I get up for 2 or 3 hours and then go right back to sleep until the next morning.  I mean, it's really, really bad.  And I try not to, but I just feel so tired all the time!  I don't know what is going on with me.  But, I'm trying to snap out of it.  As for the mood swings, I've been doing pretty good.  I've been feeling a little down and a little angry and a lot lonely...but, what's new right?

Ok, so my mom is a freaking bitch!  I swear to goodness, I love her, but sometimes she just drives me crazy.  I feel like sometimes she cares too much.  Like I just can't get her out of my business and she wants to be all dramatic about what's going on in my life.  And if she calls and I don't answer she freaks and starts calling all of my friends just to see where I am.  But, then other times, I feel like she doesn't care at all.  Like all that is important to her are her pills and bitching about her living situation or her job.  Like nothing that is going on with me is important at all.  I just want to cry right now.

I'm going to stop typing and I'm going to go into a "private" area here at work so that I can get this over with.  Until next time...